When I was younger …

Just today I was listening to some 80’s music and remembered a rather funny incident. When I first heard of the 80’s I thought it was some kind of disease. And as a testament to how good English might help …

Friend: “Hey Jerome! Do you have (any) 80’s (music)?”

Me: “Erm. No … I don’t have A-tees. (I think.)”

The senility of life

In one of those strange events that happen. I find myself in a bar, iced one as that, with loud music blaring, smoke in the air, and strangely waiting for a soccer game to start. Germany and Argentina. Funny how life seems to deal you a wild card once in a while.
Here i was, wondering what more amazing a thing than waiting for a soccer game to begin could happen to me when lo and behold, my ex boss waltzed into the bar.

Gee whiz. Doesn’t get any better than this. :) ha ha.

This set me thinking, about something, totally ashew, here we were reliving the old days, and bitching about how things have changed, and how things should be when it suddenly hit me. Hey! Why are we always thinking about how great things were in the hay day? Why is it always that life before is always better? Always brighter? Always more fun? Is this human psyche or is this really a true reflection of how much society has changed?

Ha ha, so Germany won in the end. Quite sad isn’t it? Argentina seemed to be the better team.

Meaning of (my) Life

Argh. Day in and day out I go to work and do what the company employs me to do. And day after day I go home after work, eat, have a drink, surf the Net, and then sleep.
After a while I wonder whats up with life? Shouldn’t there be more to it afterall? Is that why i’ve been always been told to cherish my life as a kid?
Or was it simply because I was happier because I was educated less? Perhaps less educated people are happier. And it does seem so to me. They seem to make friends easier, have better relationships with people and on the whole lead more fulfilling lives. Hmm. Maybe that’s it. Perhaps human beings are goal driven. Perhaps we need something to aim for otherwise our life is meaningless. Perhaps its not so much of what life has to offer but more of what I want out of it.

Ha ha.

I need a life.

A Distant Memory

Life is weird.
I don’t really know if it’s just me but sometimes I’ll just find myself sitting in some crowded place with a lot of noise only to find that it’s actually really quiet.
And before I know it, I begin to reminisce of the many things that have happened to me in my past. And surprising (and a little disappointingly) I remember all the things that I had really just wanted to forget. Haha. I guess some things can’t be just forgotten over a couple glasses of wine over a decade of events. Incidentally, I don’t even like Shiraz.
And before I know it half of it is already gone. Haha.
Today, the memory was that of 8 years ago when I had left a bag of half-eaten potatoe chips in the office of a QFI in a rather god-forsaken place down under. Strangely it still haunts me. Then again perhaps not so strangely since I behaved in a manner which upon reflection I would have never done so if I had been younger. And yet thinking about it now 8 years later it still irritates the hell out of me. And I find myself asking me over and over again. Why?
Haha. Why do i still remember? In fact I still remember all the silly things that I did as a kid and all the really stupid things I did in JC. Haha. I still don’t find them funny at all. I thought they are supposed to become funny when you get older. More than a decade gone I still find them more of a scar in reminiscence than a silly action done in my youth.
Ah. My favourite watch stopped. Need to go get the battery replaced again. Haha. The gang would probably chide me for having a quartz watch as something that I would keep. It’s quite a nice watch. And i’m sure that JT would certainly still remember when I first received it. A bit sad. A bit happy. A bit confused. Haha.

The other day I was back at my aunt’s and I found my old box of stuff. Reading some of the letters and “stuff” that I wrote when I was younger I must say that I don’t recognise my writing style and manner at all. I didn’t even think that It was ME who wrote them. Some of the thoughts and phrases where so focused (and unfocused) that I couldn’t help comparing me now and me then. It was so easy back then. Just go with who I were. Really remembered (haha maybe in a foggy sort of way) that I lived for me and it was the real me. Now, today, I wonder. A lot of times I find me,self responding and reacting before even thinking about what the response should be and then suddenly realising, “hey shit! Is that really me?”. Then comtemplating about what I say and do reactively I then start to wonder who I really am. Is it the things that I do spontanously without thinking (which unfortuantely happen to be things that I find I wouldn’t really normally do) or are they the things that I actually think about?

What makes a person a person?

Who am I?

Funny. I ask myself this question whenever I need to make a phonecall which I had wished I didn’t have to make. Just like the ones I had to do today. Haha. But once the conversation started, it was as if my subconciousness took over and directed how I should speak and react. In the right manner. Not ME. But rather how I should be perceived to be. (Perhaps) Actually, I don’t know who I am when the subconciousness takes over. I’m actually just in for the ride. It’s almost as if it’s like some kind of time sharing thingy that happens and makes me wonder HEY! who’s there?

Why do i exist?

If you aren’t remembered, then you never existed. – Alice

Don’t you wonder if there is anything more to it? The days pass by, the months pass by, and yet, and still. I envy people with ambition. どうしてそんなことがやられるの? 分からないね。疲れたでしょう?